Saturday, April 30, 2005

Starting over again

Six months after hoping and praying for a safe return for my military boyfriend, in which he did return back to the states safe, he left me. It's been mind numbing. I love him, but I also understand that maybe the best thing that could have happened was that he never did show up. Part of me knew that would happen. I can honestly say that it surely doesn't feel like it- it hurts. But as I have been hearing from all my friends, "Let it burn and move forward." At least now I know what I am really dealing with in this man. In talking to my sister-soror last night, she had to tell me that it wasn't me, it was him. She said that the one thing she has noticed about the guys I've been dealing with since she's known me is that all the men have had hangups. She said that I have a standard, something I am supposed to have. But when it comes to the men, in the process of getting to know me, they figure out that they don't "measure up", so they leave, many of them never to return. I can honestly say that they don't ever return but when they do come back, I'm so far gone about the situation that I can't see what it was I was so enamored over. Truth is though, I had some doubts about Mr. Military. Our careers are as different as they can be and on top of that, he is still trying to figure out his feelings about the mother of his son. Although that child is now 5 years old, those two are still fighting and arguing about things that should have long since become the dance of parenthood. I think she still loves him and wants to be with him still (and let's add in the fact that now she is getting a divorce from her current husband). So I am now officially back on the market. Between this and a new workout regime, I'll be busy trying to get me together.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Been thinking about ....

you guessed it- relationships. I'm more confused by them now than I have ever been. "It's not about you, it's me." You know, if nothing else, honesty is what would keep a relationship fair. At least if therwere any fears or misgivings, then at least you can tell it and feel better. But what if you never get that chance? My soror said to me that today at lunch that love can't be regulated. I believe that, I know this to have some truth to it. But when that honesty and that love isn't being shown or reciprocated, I tend to start asking the hard questions, in particular, "Am I wasting my time?" So what I want to know is am I wasting my time ...

Saturday, April 02, 2005

He is ....

The most wonderful thing has happened to me and I am still reeling from its effects. My boyfriend that has been overseas fighting the war has returned to the States. I cannot be any happier than to know that when at first it was too many miles to count, it is now only 1500. He's so close to me that I can almost see his face, touch his skin and smell his cologne. I already know my senses will go into overload when I steps into my space. I can't wait for the both of us to just lose control. That's what I want, for us to lose control with one another.