Treading Water

I've had alot on my mind as of late. In about two weeks I will take the GRE for the PhD program that I am applying for. I have three days worth of programing happening this week. I'll be giving presentations to Senior officers of the University in the next two weeks. My dog is eating mechanical pencils that my husband neglects to pick up off of the floor. I'm trying to continue to eat healthy and work out like I am supposed to. And of course, I'm trying to keep the spark in my marriage, which right about now, is as hot as a Michigan Monday in January.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm working hard because I know that I have to in order to keep everything straight for my job as well as my marriage. In every marriage there is a certain amount of sacrifice. But should that sacrifice be a welcoming hug and kiss at the door? Should it be a "Baby you look good today" or "Honey I'll help you cook and clean up the kitchen so that we can talk?" From the looks of it, I've fallen from being my husband's everything to his roommate that he sleeps with. It's frustrating you know. As women, we do everything to ourselves possible to make us attractive to our mates and it just could be all in vain. Do you know how many nights I have gone to bed wearing pretty things only for his back to be turned? What's the point? I might as well wear the pajamas with the footies attached. And why, why, why does every conversation have to revolve around money and the bills? There are other things to talk about than what I'm doing wrong or what else it is that we don't have. I believe I'm a good woman and a good wife that's doing everything she can to make sure that everything is good across the board. So why the coldness? Jill Scott said it best, "You're in arms reach but, baby, where are you?" It's enough to make me want to holler. I guess it's just that fall from grace until we decide to try for children. Maybe then he'll pay attention to me other than asking me what's for dinner.