Letting him go

The hardest thing for a person to do- regardless of race, gender, color, creed, sexual orientation- is to admit when a relationship has run it's course. We've all, in some way, have encountered this brutal truth being brought to life. It may have happened when you were in the car one day and the thought hit you like a blast of cold air. It may have happened when as you were leaving your significant other and it dawned on you that you deserve better. Or something touched you as you were writing about something completely different and unrelated. In my case, I had it happen last night in a dream where all over the place, in many different instances, "You deserve more than what you've gotten" kept showing up. It was time to heed that call. I'd never, ever expect another man to try and make up for the mistakes of another, he'd be working overtime in that case, but I know better than to make something work when it won't, no matter how much you try to super glue things back together.

So I say to him today, with sincerity, I don't apologize for loving and caring for you, but the truth is that we are not good for one another, despite our knowing one another for years. Part of me thinks that our chance to be happy with one another was doomed from the beginning, but we still worked hard to make things happen. Our lives are in two different directions on so many levels that sometimes even I can't comprehend it. I never felt that you understood or cared about what I did for a living even though I tried very hard to understand what you do so that I could relate and be there for you. I can't be where you are and you can't be where I am, even when the opportunity comes for us to meet in the middle. I don't want to continue to wait on someone who never shows up and I don't want to continue to have to redirect my emotions towards IM when I'd rather be touching you. Your career choice forces you to leave the country at times, be incognito for weeks, even months at a time, and I understand that. But my career choice allowed me to make the decision to get closer to you physically and it seemed like you didn't want any part of that. For me to be the woman I am and working hard to become and I need a support system that is right there with me, pushing me to work harder. I like that I had the chance with you, and we both tried, but I can't deal with it anymore. Emotionally, I am empty when I'm supposed to be overflowing and I don't want to be empty anymore. I came to this conclusion months ago, but I held on to the simple faith that I'd see you and what I was feeling was wrong. In true form, you never showed up- and that spoke to me on so many levels. I can't deny this feeling inside me that just grows and grows with each passing day. So with this, I say, thank you for the life lesson and the lesson learned. Goodbye.